Archives for the month of: January, 2015

As a teenager, dating is simple. Everyone around you are single. The best part, everyone you meet has potential as no one is married. Dating as an adult is so much more complicated. Most people are married. Those wondering around single in their adult years wind up confused and dazed.

If you’ve watched any episode of Sex and the City, you know many of the challenges facing single adult women. How to act—-what to eat—-how to eat it—-what to wear—-what is the proper weight—-these are just a few of the many struggles. There is no comfort zone. Most nights, single women end up starving and baffled. If you are lucky, as the four women in the show are, you have other single women to assist in battling the maze of confusion.

In my case, I have several single friends, however we are scattered about the country, therefore, when crisis arises, we must battle via phone or FaceTime. This has proven to be effective, except in cases where laughter or hysteria overcomes and the phone is dropped, leaving the rest of us bewildered until the phone is picked up and conversation resumes.

One afternoon, I received a phone call from a friend of mine who had been dating her dream guy, Mr. Wonderful, for about 8 months. I answered my phone and immediately heard, “YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!”

Please allow me to digress to the beginning of her day. My friend and Mr. Wonderful had decided to go for a weekend getaway—-their first trip together. She arrived at his house on time. He had an emergency work call and had to run out, leaving her at the house until he returned. He was not going to be long. While waiting, she had the urge to—-well how do I put this gracefully—-number 2—-for those of you who aren’t familiar with numbers she had to make froggies—-if that doesn’t clarify then you’re on your own. Single women are never comfortable with any form of body odor around the opposite sex. Least of all the dreaded king of all smells! There was no option for her but to breach the comfort zone!

Luckily, Mr. Wonderful had 4 bathrooms. To avoid his arriving home and smelling anything in the master bedroom, she decided to utilize one of the guest bathrooms. The urge was becoming almost painful as she walked into the bathroom. Sitting on the throne she pondered why this was so unnerving. It is a normal human function. Pleased with herself she stood up and turned to flush. To her surprise, it did not flush. The lever was loose. What? How could the lever be loose? It would not flush! NO FLUSH! Panic rushed through her like a tsunami —-this is the point she called me.

The hysteria was evident in her voice. “YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!” As she unfolded the events in my ear. I chuckled. “This isn’t funny!” She chimed in panic. “I can’t leave it in there! He’ll SEE it! Oh my God—-he’ll smell it!” I could not hold the laughter in.

In between my chuckles I managed to speak. “Pour water into the bowl and maybe it will flush itself.” My suggestion was not welcomed. She had nothing to put water into—-with no idea of Mr. Wonderful’s return she had no time to look either. The dilemma grew in direct proportion with her hysteria.

“Does he have another bathroom close by that works? ” I asked. She ran to the closest bathroom and did a test flush—-success! To my amusement I suggested an emergency transport. As a joke. To which she immediately panicked—-dropped the phone—-and began her work. Hysteria does amazing things to sane people. Suddenly, the pounding of her running back and forth while screaming “almost finished” filled the phone. She washed her hands, retrieved the phone and breathlessly exclaimed, “saved”!

My laughter was uncontrollable at this point.  This Diva who can not have a dog as her stomach is too weak to pick up their land mines in a plastic bag —-is now running back and forth with her fecal matter in hand! It was Canine Karma taking it’s revenge!

With the hysteria behind her, she walked into the living room and sat down. Two seconds later—-while still on the phone with me—-in walks Mr. Wonderful.

Single life as an adult has many obstacles. Sometimes, we create our own obstacles. It is at the base of those self created obstacles we find our ability to release our aversions and plow through to the other side. Hysteria serves no purpose as it is impossible to be hysterical and think at the same time.

As women, we hold each other up and keep hysteria at bay. Sometimes we find a different path. Sometimes we have to struggle through the path. Either way we have each other to lean on to figure it out. If we are lucky—-there’s laughter on the opposite end.

 

Have you ever collected everything you need to obtain a registration for something only to find out when you get to the counter —-someting is missing?

Recently, while visiting a friend of mine who is blessed with living on the beach, it was determined she would begin her workout regimen. This included —-you guessed it—-walking on the beach. Before you question the intensity of this workout, or lack thereof, my friend considers a walk to the mailbox as strenuous activity. Infant steps on the workout program.

We spent days discussing how nice walking on the beach would be. Finally, she researched the documents needed to obtain the glorious beach permit —- Registration, driver’s license and insurance verification.  It seemed simple.  Armed with the required items, we drove to the county offices—-excitement filled the vehicle.

Our first stop—-the wrong office. It was however the DMV which gave quite the plethora of people to watch. If you’re ever feeling a bit down about yourself —- go there. We were instructed by the lady at the tax assessor’s desk to walk across the parking lot to the community center.

With excitement in our step—-we hurried over to the community center. We were burning daylight! Walking up to the counter, the woman asked for our documentation. Registration—-check! Insurance verification —-got it! Driver’s license—-no license—-where was the license? It had to be in there. My friend started to dig through her pocketbook like a dog looking for a missing bone!

This pocketbook is more like a dark hole collecting everything from gift cards to other pocketbooks! Have you noticed when you “dig” through a pocketbook one begins to pull large chunks of items out and place them on the counter in piles? This had commenced. Within seconds she had several piles—-gift cards—-credit cards—-coupons—-papers—-IPad—-IPhone—-spare iPhone just in case the first one goes down—-two empty pocketbooks in case she had to downsize for shopping —-and last but not least feminine hygiene products.  There must have been a special on Mary Poppins bags.  I was waiting for the kitchen sink to come up.  Each new pile brought laughter and explanations of what it included. Unfortunately, no license surfaced.

The clerk watched with amusement. After several shuffles and pile adjustments, the clerk decided she would just give us the sympathy permit. After all, who would go through this much trouble to obtain a permit fraudulently!

With a sigh of relief, we walked out of the community center with the beach permit in hand! Exercise can commence! We danced and laughed as we walked back to the vehicle.

In life, patience is a virtue. Kindness an asset. Having all of your documentation essential. Staying positive and laughing when things aren’t as organized as you thought—-very effective!