We all have scars be it internal—external—or both.  Never be ashamed of a scar.  It only is a symbol you are stronger than what tried to hurt you.  The proximate cause of that scar can drop us to our knees at the time of the initial wound.  It’s up to us whether we look toward the light—or the dark.  Positive is always a better option than dark and negative.

No matter what you do—no matter how hard you work—no matter the level of your try—there will always be a negative darkness standing there to judge—doubt —talk bad about you.  Just smile and make the best decisions you can based on the facts you have at the time.  I stopped explaining— rather defending myself because the realization hit me that people understand only what they want to.  It’s not necessarily based on any facts.

If you’re an analyzer brain like me—we break it down in our minds.  To understand the rationale—the why—the what—the how.  To judge ourselves from others’ vantage points is not necessary.

An example—I once was told a cake was dry.  My brain immediately went to the why.  I asked, “was the cake made from a mix or from scratch?”  Which immediately prompted a harsh, “That’s a stupid question!  How dumb is that!  What a dumb question!”  What I heard was, “You’re an idiot! You moron!”   When in actuality, my question wasn’t dumb at all but part of a methodical process question.  If the cake was dry—my first thought to start the process was mix or scratch—scratch maybe too much flour—mix maybe baked too long—the person I was speaking to could have responded “let’s not break it down, it doesn’t matter” and all would have been fine.  Instead, the violent reaction caused me to pause—doubt myself—and think maybe I was dumb.  Before the conversation could continue — I heard “I’m hanging up.”  Several seconds passed—I sat in silence staring at the floor.  Thinking to myself, “Am I dumb?” Was my question dumb or had the person who angered at such a simple question been off kilter in their perception.  How people act defines who they are —how we react to their behavior is what defines ourselves.  We only have control of one side of that equation.

Everyone’s individual perception is their reality.  If they choose to think negatively or positively of us—it’s not within our control.

Don’t believe me?  Ever watched a parent with their child?  That’s perception vs reality in its truest form.  Their child could be eating paint but to that parent they have the brains to achieve a double doctorate and win the next Nobel Prize.

Stop explaining yourself —people understand only what they want.  You can’t fix them with self hate or by defending yourself.  Their perception is their reality no matter what you do.  All you can do is identify the filters through which you view the world.  Your opinion and perception of yourself —do not confuse those with facts and truths.  Change your perception of things and you will change your reality.  Never let anyone change those for you.

As Robert Bolano states, “People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth…”

My grandmother used to say, “never overlook the simplest sound of a bird—or flower most think of as a weed—if you can see beautiful things in humble places, where others see nothing, then you are granted a gift few people know….”

Never let other people’s limited perception define who you are.  You are essential.  Believe you can.

Hold your chin up—and strut!

Stay healthy!